YSunday, September 18, 2005
i have been slackin the whole day today..put my hp on golf..
lazed around and decided to walk around..then went to Loyang Pt..thought of dying my hair..till i saw the last person i wana come across in real life..heh.
in which, she caused me to change my mind and turn back home..so yeah.
i became a potato couch instead and watched Wicker's Park and Mona Lisa's Smile and Love Actually...hmm..it's nice to actually do tis once in awhile..be in a world of fantasy..trying to put urself in the lead actress' character..imagining..aint it beautiful..everything is scripted out for you..
but then again..it'll be dull and boring aye? heh..cuz everything will be obvious and expected. bleah! wer's the fun in tat? i wonder..
anyhows, i've been wonderin..why is it so easy for me to be lied to? do i trust too easily? open up too much? or am i simply that easy to be taken advantage of? which of it is my problem??
im sick of people trying to be nice and hurt me in the long run..
what is it about me? my guts? my angst? my vulnerability? my hate?
i hate all this..im losing hope on faith and hope itself.
im sick of everything. perhaps.i should just let everything go..
and start over..no point whining about all tis bullshit nemore..it just stinks.
im not gona care as much..hope as much or even give a freakin damn.
every past i reminisce makes me sick. the word reminisce makes me puke.
i hate all of this. i hate having to be reminded of everything that we did. everything that we spoke of..every song that we sang. i hate him. i literally hate him for ruining my life.
and i hate myself for letting him do that.!
i hate the word hurt and hate.
i wana be able to love again..but my heart is broken..to pieces that it'l take a long time to mend.. i need time to trust and open up again..
in which im not sure when..but im taking my time this time..and not letting anything get in the way. i will make the right choice and be fulfilled again..not like last time..
but even better..
this is just really freakin me out cuz each tym im sure i've let go..things will just happen that will remind me of the things or the person that i've always wanted to forget..damn!
if you're reading this by chance..listen to this song..it's for you [notice me-nb ridaz]
--i noe that you know who u are..thanks for helping me realise..i need to let go.=)
_callous_ was here with you at
